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Friends - Episode 104: The One With George Stephanopoulos

...

Monica: Alright. Phoebe?

Phoebe: Okay, okay. If I were omnipotent for a day, I would want, um, world peace, no more hunger, good things for the rain-forest...And bigger boobs!

Ross: Yeah, see.. you took mine. Chandler, what about you?

Chandler: Uh, if I were omnipotent for a day, I'd.. make myself omnipotent forever.

Rachel: See, there's always one guy. (Mocking) "If I had a wish, I'd wish for three more wishes." (Joey enters.)

All: Hey Joey. Hi. Hey, buddy.

Monica: Hey, Joey, what would you do if you were omnipotent?

Joey: Probably kill myself!

Monica: ..Excuse me?

Joey: Hey, if Little Joey's dead, then I got no reason to live!

Ross: Joey, uh- OMnipotent.


Joey: You are? Ross, I'm sorry..

...

Joey: (to Ross) Hey! Here's the birthday boy! Ross, check it out: hockey tickets, Rangers-Penguins, tonight at the Garden, and we're taking you.

Chandler: Happy birthday, pal!

Joey: We love you, man. (Kisses Ross)

Ross: Funny, my birthday was seven months ago.

Joey: So?

Ross: So, I'm guessing you had an extra ticket and couldn't decide which one of you got to bring a date?

Chandler: Well, aren't we Mr. "The glass is half empty."

Ross: Oh my God, oh- is today the twentieth, October twentieth?

Monica: Oh, I was hoping you wouldn't remember.

Ross: Ohhh.

Joey: What's wrong with the twentieth?

Chandler: Eleven days before Halloween.. all the good costumes are gone?

Ross: Today's the day Carol and I first.. consummated our physical relationship. (Joey is puzzled.) Sex. ..You know what, I-I'd better pass on the game. I think I'm just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover.

Joey: The hell with hockey, let's all do that!

...

(Rachel runs up cluching an envelope.)

Rachel: Look-look-look-look-look, my first pay check! Look at the window, there's my name! Hi, me!

Phoebe: I remember the day I got my first pay check. There was a cave in in one of the mines, and eight people were killed.

Monica: Wow, you worked in a mine?

Phoebe: I worked in a Dairy Queen, why?

Rachel: God, isn't this exciting? I earned this. I wiped tables for it, I steamed milk for it, and it was totally—(opens envelope)—not worth it. Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money? I mean, what- Chandler, look at that.

Chandler: (looking) Oh, this is not that bad.

Joey: Oh, you're fine, yeah, for a first job.

Ross: You can totally, totally live on this.

Monica: Yeah, yeah.

Ross: Oh, by the way, great service tonight.

All: Oh! Yeah!

...
  • omnipotent
    • (adjective) having unlimited power.
  • impotent
    • (adjective) (of a man) abnormally unable to achieve an erection or orgasm.
    • This is what Joey confused with.  He thought everyone was talking about 'impotent'.
  • The glass is half empty. 
    • It is a common expression, a proverbial phrase, generally used rhetorically to indicate that a particular situation could be a cause for pessimism.
  • consummate
    • make (a marriage or relationship) complete by having sexual intercourse.
  • FICA
    • Federal Insurance Contributions Act (FICA) tax (/ˈfaɪkə/) is a United States federal payroll (or employment) tax imposed on both employees and employers to fund Social Security and Medicare—federal programs that provide benefits for retirees, the disabled, and children of deceased workers.

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